by Bob Ditter
Dear Bob,
We have a veteran staff member who is excellent with children. He is a
school guidance counselor known for his good work with students. He doesn't
seem to have a strong peer group apart from the youth he spends time with,
and he is constantly creating opportunities to befriend boys through the
ski trips, concerts, church fellowships, and other outings he takes with
them. He has on more than one occasion invited small groups of boys to
stay over at his house, which has raised concern with parents that may
or may not have been brought to the attention of the school.
What should our response be to the parent from his school who also has
a connection to camp and has inquired about this staff member?
— Concerned at Camp
Dear Concerned,
The issue of staff contact with campers off-season is being raised by
directors all over the country. With increased use of the Internet and
Instant Messaging (IM), communication between campers and counselors has
increased dramatically in the last few years, creating a need for a well-thought-out
policy or set of guidelines regarding this contact. I will respond to
your specific question about your staff member and use it to address this
broader concern.
The staff member you describe has some characteristics that raise my
concern. Having what seems like stronger ties to boys than to his peers
— coupled with what would appear to be a social-emotional life that
centers on young boys — are both classic warning signs. You did
not say whether he was married or in a relationship, but if he is single,
it would only be another indicator that he has not developed a close,
intimate bond with someone his own age.
Having highlighted these patterns, I hasten to add that none of these
realities are evidence that he is doing anything inappropriate with the
boys he spends time with. Everyone who enjoys working with youth gets
a certain amount of emotional fulfillment from doing so. In the overall
scheme of things, it is part of what ensures that children will get the
care and attention they need from adults to thrive.
However, the man you describe has no apparent adult outlet for his intimacy
needs, and away from camp (or school) there is not the structure or presence
of other adults to keep things in balance. In this regard, this man is
taking a risk in that he is leaving himself open to becoming emotionally
over-involved with the boys whose company he keeps — which could
result in hurt feelings, inappropriate intimate behavior (IIB), or an
accusation, true or false, of an IIB. For these reasons, it is no surprise
that several parents have been concerned about boys sleeping over at this
man's house. At this point, I can hear my readers asking the same
question that is on my mind, which is, where are the parents of the boys
who are staying over? It seems to me their children's well-being
is at some risk — a risk the parents must at least share —
if they are being allowed to participate in these sleepovers.
You also never mentioned exactly what your camper parent's question
was about this man, but let's assume it is a general question about
his appropriateness with boys. What you will say is that he is great with
kids and that you are lucky to have him at camp. You will add that you
do not condone outings between staff members and campers outside of camp
not so much because you don't trust the people you hire, but because
such outings do not have the built-in structure and safeguards of camp,
which includes the presence of other campers and multiple adults. You
might throw in the camper-to-staff ratio required by the American Camp
Association Standards, which is a way of ensuring that proper supervision
of children and adults is maintained — and that such a ratio would
probably not be maintained once outside of the purview of camp. You might
also say that as a general rule you do not recommend that parents allow
their children to go on such outings, again because the kind of supervision
or structure you have at camp would not be present. You will emphasize,
of course, that this is the policy you have with regard to any staff member,
not just this particular man.
The Internet Connection
Many camp professionals have spoken to me about their concerns of post-season
communication and contact between campers and staff being fueled by the
exchange of e-mail and IM addresses at camp. Some of this contact may
be very positive, as it helps keep the nourishing experiences campers
have at camp alive and helps maintain their connection to camp.
However, as with any such communication, there is the challenge of oversight
— one can never be exactly sure what is being communicated or whether
that communication is appropriate. I wouldn't always count on campers
to tell their parents if the communication became inappropriate. For this
reason, I recommend that e-mail exchanges between campers and staff be
allowed only with the awareness and approval of the camper's parents.
I suggest this policy be communicated to the staff both at the beginning
of the summer and several days before the end of each session. I suggest
campers and camper parents be informed of this policy both before and
after camp. What you say is that you hand pick your staff and you stand
by their ability to care properly for campers — in camp! That outside
camp you cannot guarantee that the kind of supervision, oversight, or
program structure will be present. Parents should also be made to understand
that staff members do not represent camp once the season is over (unless,
of course, they are full-time employees of the camp doing camp business).
Shift the Burden
What I am doing with this policy is shifting the burden of responsibility
and oversight of campers back to their parents. If parents wish to allow
their children to have contact with camp staff after camp, whether by
e-mail or in person, you can not stop them. However, you can make it clear
that they, not you, are then responsible for whatever occurs as a result.
You, after all, have no way of knowing how the relationship between a
staff member and a camper will develop outside of camp.
Sensible Guidelines
As in the case of your veteran staff member, if parents do decide to
allow their children to see or have contact with camp staff outside of
camp, you might, after clarifying that parents do so against your advice,
suggest they at least follow some guidelines in such instances. Those
guidelines would include no one-on-one outings between a child and an
adult. In other words, other people should be included in any such outing,
preferably another adult.
It would also be inadvisable for a child to sleep over at a staff member's
house, and if a staff member were invited by the family to stay at the
home of a camper, he or she should be in a separate room and not with
the child. In the case of the boys from school staying at their guidance
counselor's home, those parents (and the guidance counselor himself)
are taking a risk. At minimum there should be other adults present, and
the boys should sleep in a room separate from the adults. It should also
be made clear that by recommending these guidelines, which is optional
on your part, you are not implying in any way that you or camp then takes
responsibility for whatever does or does not happen.
The safety of campers is and should be a top priority for all camp professionals
— one in which camper parents share.
Bob Ditter is a licensed clinical social worker specializing in child,
adolescent, and family therapy. He supervises content for Bunk1.com
and can be reached via e-mail at BobDitter1@aol.com
or by fax at 617-572-3373. “In the Trenches” is sponsored
by American Income Life Insurance.
Originally published in the 2005 July/August
issue of Camping Magazine. |
